I remember almost a year back when we, me and my girlfriend wrote 50 things about one another that we loved about, and I read it today and all I can think of is all the new things I could add to it. Over the time we had spent together, it was truly been a magical, life changing experience. I cherished every moment of it. It’s a heart breaking moment when something so beautiful had to end, no matter the circumstances. Let me tell you about this girl I talk of. One word would be hard to some up someone as sophisticated as her. I kid you not. See usually in society, you have the pretty girls, and then you have the smart girls. But I was one fortunate enough to land one that excelled in both categories. And by god she was beautiful. She had an amazing smile that would cheer me up in the worst of circumstances; it had the effect of lighting the air around the whole room. Truly out of this world. The way she carries herself so majestically should not go unnoticed! And of course, her body was something Cleopatra would kill to have, (I seriously thing the Egyptians should have been more booty focused back then!). But the most amazing aspect would definitely be her eyes, her absolutely astonishing eyes at that sensuous moment that they stare right into mine with so much love and affection, I have to tell you, it made everything pause, and it allowed for that serene moment where nothing mattered expect the both of us. Really, you have to experience that to know what I am talking about.
You know, I always though that she was quite stubborn and so always held up my side of an argument like the Romans holding up fort against the Gauls, but I sit down and think now and I realize how wrong I have been. When you look at the simplest things that have happened, you realize that your judgment was not right after all. One time, I had gone down to Borders and bought a new Dan Brown best selling novel, The Lost Symbol. So anyway, we were taking turn reading it, (oh yeah we both love to read. nerds. i know. i know.) but then once we started to get closer towards the end of the book, this sort of rivalry of who gets to finish it first spurred up. (Maybe that only happened because whenever I read before her, I spoiled her the bit that she was about to read). So anyway, and argument broke and eventually she gave up and left for a swim. I lay there in the room all proud of what I had done, with the book in my hand. Stupid me! See if I got to replay that moment right now, I'd chuck the book and go join her in the pool. See now, I regret every single moment in our relationship that I had not spent with her in my arms, I should've gone swimming…
I guess things do get harder when the relationship is an actual long distance relationship. I always have my friends bitch to me about how hard their long distance relationships are. What we have is a long distance relationship as well. I live in London where I am attending University and she’s in Rome. Why is she in Rome? She absolutely loves it there. But here’s the point. Everyone’s bitching about long distance, I swear, she had never made me feel even a bit distant. We kept in touch in all ways that is humanly possible. Phone, Email, Skype, you name it. Though I have to say, Italian Internet is shit! So for further reference, don’t let your girl stay in Italy for too long! Getting back to the point, she made me feel every bit loved even though I was so far away and being far away made us seeing each other after 6 months every bit special. See its not even worth attempting to explain that feeling you get once your lips touch hers after such a long wait with mere words because its not even possible. In fact, not a single kiss with my beloved is describable with mere words. Yes yes, I am still madly in love with her.
At this point I have to say, giving attention to small things is important in a relationship. It is these so-called small things that build up, and eventually fuck everything up. And that is what happened to me. I had this amazing girl of my dreams (literally) who even at this very moment, I love with every ounce of love that my heart can ever offer. I am madly in love with her. And today I realize that what I will be to her if I even attempt to stick around is a burden. I don’t want to be a burden anymore. I don’t want to hurt her anymore. I know my mistakes, I know what I deserve. But nothing will ever change the fact that I will always love the first girl that I had ever loved, truly, from the bottom of my heart.
I miss you darling. I really do….
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